June-Graduation and Effective Praise

Welcome to June!  This month, we will be celebrating the graduation of our oldest friends with a program in the Bear Room on the 8th.  Seating is limited, so please give priority to families with children in the Bear and Alligator classrooms.

We will be having our usual month dinner (hot dogs!) that, weather permitting, can be enjoyed out the black top.  Hopefully our streak of rainy Thursdays is over and we can all enjoy some sunshine!

This month, our subject

 

How to Avoid Creating a Praise Monster

Have you even encountered a child that was constantly asking for your approval?  “Look at my flower drawing!  Isn’t it pretty?” they might ask, over and over again as they draw.  Children naturally seek the approval of adults in their lives, which can be useful for managing their behavior in the short-term, but in the long term, we want children to be self-motivated and not constantly coming to adults to tell them they are “good”.  We want the child to draw flowers because he enjoys it and feels like he is capable of drawing them, not because an adult else is telling him that the flower is pretty.

There’s a lot of opinions out there about how (or even if!) to praise children and it can get confusing.  Here are some tips to help praise your children in a way that is less about gaining your approval and more about encouraging self-motivation:

Do it less  If your child is engrossed in activity, just leave them to it!  Don’t interrupt their concentration by telling them that you think that it’s “good”.   Your child probably already thinks that it is good and that is what’s important.

Don’t go overboard The goal is not to create children who are constantly seeking the approval of others, but children who are self-motivated.

Be specific “That is such a bright  yellow that you used for the house in your drawing!”

Point out effort without placing a value on it “You are really working hard on that puzzle!” vs. “You are doing such a good job working on that puzzle.”

Draw attention to their own feelingsYou put your socks on!  You must be really proud!”

Acknowledge the challenge Remember, tasks that are simple for adults can be very challenging for children.  “It can be really hard to put clothes on your doll, but you worked hard and you got them on!”

Compare them (positively) with themselves “You built that block tower so much taller than you did last week!”

Involve the child by asking them for their input “That’s a big block house!  How did you get that block to stay on the top?”

-Avoid using evaluative language Try avoid telling children that something they’ve done is “good” or “great”.  Instead, just comment on what they have done.  Instead of  “You made a really good painting of a tree!” try “You made a painting of a tree!

Show interest in what your child is doing Kids are pretty smart and they figure out pretty quickly that  “Mmm hmms!” and “That’s nice!” do not mean that you’re actually paying attention to what they are doing or saying.  When you can, ask them questions about what they are doing and encourage them to give their opinions.

 

If you’re interested, here’s some more information on praising your child.  We hope to see you on the 8th!

How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The Power (and Peril) of Praise

Five Reasons to Stop Saying “Good Job!”

Stop Saying “You’re So Smart!” 3 Better Ways to Praise Your Child

 



 

May-Spring Has Sprung

Spring is here!  We’re all excited to be spending more time outside and to be resuming swimming lessons!  We will also be starting up our school gardens with the Minnesota Horticultural Society.     We hope you can join us for Family Night on the 18th!

kids-gardening-header

Gardening at home can be a really worth-while experience.  It’s a great way to get more veggies in your diet, build healthy habits, can be inexpensive, provides exercise, and can be lots of fun.  There are many benefits to gardening with your child, such as:

  •  It can get them thinking about (and talking to you!) about science concepts, like how plants take in water and use the sun to make their own food.  If you child has questions about plants you can’t answer, it provides a great opportunity for you both to figure out the answer together!
  • It gets the family outside and away from technology (it’s hard to dig in the dirt with a tablet in your hand!)
  • Children are likely to be much more interested and then more likely to eat vegetables that they have grown themselves
  • It can provide heathy and nutritious food for the family
  • It can encourage a lifetime love of gardening in your child
  • It’s a wonderful way to bond as a family
  • It can teach patience; plants take time
  • It can teach responsibility; gardens need watering and weeding
  • Digging in the dirt can boost your child’s immune system

 

If You Don’t Have Lot of Space

Don’t worry!  You can still grow things even if you don’t have a small yard or no yard at all.  One option is to look into community gardens where many different people in a community have individual plots in the same space (check out the list of links at the bottom of this post).  Another option is container gardens or vertical gardens, which can be very versatile, don’t take up much space and can still provide lots of room to grow things.

Container Gardens

A container garden is just what it sounds like; a garden in a container.  The type of container can vary, depending on how crazy you want to get with it.  It can be as simple as a pail or as fancy as an antique suitcase.  If you can put some dirt in it, you can probably grow something in it and Pinterest is full of beautiful ideas, but if you’re just starting out, keep it simple with a pot or bucket.  You can always get more creative down the road after you master the basics.

Container gardens are great because they take up little space, don’t need a lot of equipment, can be moved around and can placed just about anywhere, including a balcony, making them ideal for people in apartments.

There are a few things to keep in mind, like the fact that container gardens tend to dry out faster than plants in the ground and they might have different fertilizer needs, but with a little bit of planning, you can have a very successful harvest!

Here’s a great how-to for first time container gardeners

Here is a slightly more in-depth guide

 

Vertical Gardens 

If space is tight, think about going vertical!  There are a million different ways you can make a vertical garden depending on how fancy you can to get. You can easily purchase a vertical planter (here’s what shoe gardenAmazon has) or you can make your own if you’re crafty!

Here are some basics for vertical gardens

A shoe organizer can make a quick and easy garden

Pallets are a popular vertical garden choice and work great for balconies

Indoor herb Gardens

You can also do some growing indoors.  Herbs make great indoor plants and can be used year-round for cooking.   Herbs are fun for kids because so many of them have interesting smells!

Here are some tips for growing some tasty herbs indoors

Here are five great herbs for growing indoors

You can have an herb container garden and grow many herbs in one large pot

If you’re feeling fancy, you can make a hanging coffee can herb garden

Mason jars make good planters (fancy chalkboard signs optional)

A Tip from the Midway ECLE Gardens 

squirrel

Squirrels can be a real bummer when it comes to gardens.  They love to dig up all your hard work and eat the delicious seeds.  One easy, pesticide-free way to discourage them from wreaking havoc is to plant some marigolds in with your other plants.  Marigolds are a very common flower and squirrels don’t like the smell.

 

More Information and Community Resources

Ready to get growing?  Here are some additional resources to help you out:

St. Paul Gardening Resources -information about community gardens, rain gardens, gardening policies and free answers from a Master Gardener to any gardening questions you might have.

Free Gardening classes at St. Paul Public Libraries

Find a Garden- Use the map to find community gardens in your area

 

 

 

 

 

April-The Week of the Young Child

WeekYoungChild

Hello, families!  Welcome to April!

The National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) has been celebrating the the Week of the Young Child since 1971 and this year will be no different!    The Week of the Young Child celebrates children, their families and their caregivers during the period between birth and age 8 .  This year, the Week of the Young Child is April 24th-28th and each day has a different focus:

Music Monday-April 24

Tasty Tuesday-April 25

Work Together Wednesday-April 26

Artsy Thursday/Family Night-April 27

Family Friday-April 28

Every classroom will be celebrating these days with projects and fun activities.  Join us the morning of Friday, April 28th for some breakfast treats to says thanks to our amazing parents and families!

You can celebrate the Week of the Young Child at home, too!   Here are some suggestions to help get you started:

Music Monday

Make homemade musical instruments

Children’s books about music

Have a dance party with some fun songs for children

Tasty Tuesday

Fun preschool snacks

Martha Stewart approved recipes to make with your kids

Children’s books paired with recipes

Work Together Wednesday

Build a structure with popsicle sticks and clothes pins

Using shaving cream as a “mortar” with blocks

Build something with giant blocks (cardboard boxes)

Artsy Thursday

Easy (and beautiful!) tissue paper transfer art

Rolling Pin Paintings

Salt Watercolor Painting

Family Friday

Here are a few suggestions for some fun things to do as a family on Friday or any day!

Como Zoo (free!)

Choo Choo Bob’s Train Store (has a play area that is open every day to the public and a weekly story hour)

Public libraries (the St. Paul and Minneapolis libraries offer many free events like movies, story hours and even arts and crafts for free.  They also have lots of fun books, of course!)

The Works Museum (an interactive engineering museum with activities for kids of all ages.  They offer a half-priced ($4.25) admission on their Pre-K days that feature activities for kids age 3-5)

Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge (Free, with fun activities for kids)

Children’s Theatre Company (offers classes as well as wonderful performances for children, including sensory-friendly programing.  Check out their ACT Pass program for scholarships and $5 dollar tickets to performances.)

 

We hope you will join us in celebrating our littles learners!

 

 

 

 

March-Read Across America

read-across-america

Hello, families!

March is Read Across America month, an event that celebrates children reading and the birthday of beloved author, Dr. Seuss!  At the ECLC, we will be spending the month talking about Dr. Seuss, fairy tales, libraries, our favorite books, and maybe even writing a few stories of our own!   Reading with children is also the theme of our family night this month, which will be Thursday, March 30th.  We hope you will join us!

 

Why is reading with your child important?

So many reasons! Such as  . . .

 

When should I read to my child?

fam-readingIdeally, you should read to your child every day.  Think of it like eating vegetables or brushing your teeth; something that is part of your everyday life.  Your child will probably find reading a book with you more fun that eating broccoli.

Adding reading to your bedtime routine is a great way to get some book time in every day and help your child wind down for the evening.  Besides being educational, spending some time each day sharing a story with your child is a great way to bond and will create lasting memories for both of you.

Choosing Books

There are plenty of books out there!  As long as you are reading with your kiddo, you’re in good shape, but choose-bookhere are a few suggestions for choosing books.

What is your child interested in?  If your child is old enough to tell you about what they want to read about, look for books on that subject.  For younger children, what captures their interest?  Do they obsess over their train toy?  Grab a few train books.   Are they always hanging out in the kitchen?  There are books for that!  Whatever catches your child’s fancy, you can be sure there are some excellent books on the subject.

What are you interested in teaching your child? Is there something going on in your child’s life that you want to prepare them for or an area where they need some help?  Reading books about it can be a great tool for teaching your kiddo.   Trying to potty train?  Facing a divorce? Got a new baby on the way?  Moving to a new house?  Dealing with the death of a loved one?  Trying to teach your child manners?  There are books on every possible subject that your child may need.  Ask a librarian or do some Googling if there’s a specific topic you are looking for.

Ask your child’s teacher There is a lot of book-reading that goes on at the ECLC.  Your child’s teacher can tell you what books the class has been reading lately or what books are especially popular.  Some children get really excited to see a favorite book from school at home and vice versa.

Aim for variety  Your child (especially toddlers) might request the same book over and over and over again.  This is actually a good thing; many of our ELCE classrooms read the same book at group time for a week.   Children enjoy being “in the know” about the plot and characters and repeated readings allow them to take in the vocabulary.  It is also important to read children lots of different kinds of books; fiction, non-fiction, poetry, alliterative, rhyming and anything else you can find.   Not only does it save you from the tedium of reading the same book a million times, but it also exposes your child to all different kinds of stories and broadens their understanding about the world.

Chose your favorite books

You probably can think of some books you enjoyed as a little kid.  Bust them out again to share with your child!   They will likely enjoy knowing that you read this same book when you were their age.

How to read to your child

Well, you probably have a pretty good idea of how to read to your child already.  You just sit down and do it!    But there are a few things you can do with your kiddo to enrich the experience.

  • Ask your child questions about the characters and plot, such as “What do you think is going to happen next?” or “How do you think this character is feeling?”  It will get their wheels turning, encourage them to think creatively and help them develop empathy.
  • Point out things like words that rhyme or are alliterative.  These are pre-literacy skills that will come in handy when they are learning to read.
  • Talk about vocabulary.  Your child might ask what a particular word means, but if you come across a word you suspect your child doesn’t know the meaning of, ask them!  If they don’t know what the word means, you can explain it.  This helps expand their vocabulary.

 

Reading With Older Children

As children get older, parent read aloud time tends to diminish sharply at the ages of 5 and again at 8, but there is a lot to be gained by continuing to read aloud to your children, even after your child can read to themselves.  Reading chapter books together is a wonderful, easy and inexpensive way to have fun as a family.  There are lots of great books out there to tackle, but here is a list if you are looking for some suggestions or consider starting with a chapter book you loved when you were their age.

Libraries

hamline-midwayIf it’s been a while since you were at your local library, this is a great month to make a trip!   Libraries are obviously a great place to go to discover some great new books (and movies and music), but they also offer all sorts of other great activities and resources for free.  Our own Hamline Midway library offers a preschool story time (in English) every Friday at 10:30 am.   Check them out in April when every Tuesday evening at 6:30 pm they will be offering a pajama story time.

The Rice Street library also offers a Friday morning preschool story time at 10:30 am, and many other fun events for all ages, like an adult movie night, homework help, crafting classes, a weekly after school program for elementary school kids, basic computer skills classes, job search assistance, and much more.  Check out other libraries in St. Paul for story time in other languages, legal assistance, technology classes, teen movie nights, knitting classes, citizenship classes and much, much more!  See the full schedule of St. Paul libraries here.  Use the pull down menu at the top to filter by location, events and age groups.

Have a great March!

 

February – Bedtime Routines

Hello, everyone!  We hope February is treating you well and that you will join us for Family Night on February 23rd.

This month, we’re talking about getting your kiddos to bed with less stress.  Sound impossible?  It’s not!  It does take work and consistency, but it’s well worth if it means happier, better rested kids and adults.  There’s a lot of info here, so feel free to scroll down to skip around a bit!  One point to keep in mind is that consistency is key.   People, children included, are happier with structure and routine. 

Infants infant

Sleep Safety: Sudden Unexpected Infant Death Syndrome

While having an infant in the same room as their caregivers while sleeping has been shown to reduce the chances of Sudden Unexpected Infant Death Syndrome (SUIDS, formerly known as SIDS).  An infant sharing a bed with adults has been shown to increase the risk for SUIDS, even if the adults in bed are not impaired (by alcohol or drugs) in any way.   If your wee one is sharing a room with you, give him or her their own bed.  Be sure that bed:

-has a properly fitting mattress

-a tight and proper fitting sheet

-has no other blankets, stuffed animals or bumpers

Your infant should also always be placed on their back when sleeping.  If your baby likes to be swaddled, consider using a sleep sack to prevent bedding from covering their mouth and nose.

When it comes to sleep training, talk to your pediatrician about when is a developmentally appropriate time to begin with your infant (usually once they are 6 months or older).  There are different schools of thought what’s the best way go about baby’s bed time.  Check out a few different opinions and decide what’s best for you and your family.  What ever your plan, be sure it is something you are willing to stick with for a while (it can take time!) and one that you and any other adults in the house are all on the same page about.  You need a united front!

We are going to touch on one method here, the Ferber Method.

The Ferber method is sometimes referred to as “cry it out”, but that is not an accurate name for it–and it brings up scary visions of babies abandoned in their cribs for 12 hours by themselves, which is not the case.  The goal of the Ferber method is to help teach babies to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own, a handy skill to learn that can also take some of the pressure off of parents.  Essentially the Ferber Method suggests going through your nighttime routine with your baby, then putting them in their bed while they are groggy but still awake and leaving the room.  If the baby begins to cry (which is likely if they are used to an adult being with them until they sleep), parents wait a pre-determined number of minutes, maybe 3 minutes to begin with, before going in the room.  Parents briefly comfort the baby however they like (just their voice, patting baby, rubbing their head) but leave again while the baby is still awake.  They continue this, going slightly longer and longer amounts of time before going in the room.   By coming in at intervals, the baby learns that an adult is close by, but by not staying with them until they are asleep, the baby learns they are expected to do that themselves.  Some babies take to this very quickly, some babies take a few weeks before adapting.

In studies, the Ferber method has shown to result in kids who (having completed “training”) go to sleep quickly, on their own, with less crying, wake less at night and are better rested during the day.

For more information about the Ferber method, check out Dr. Ferber’s book, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems.

There are many other approaches and specific sleep-related issues, way too many for one blog post.  For other approaches and information, check out Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child: A Step-by -Step Program for a Good Night’s Sleep.   You can also Google “sleep training” and do a little digging into what has worked for other families to help you figure out what might be a good fit for yours, or talk to your pediatrician.

 

sleep1

Toddlers and Preschoolers

Okay, so maybe, for any number of perfectly valid reasons, your baby never quite got to sleeping on their own and now you find yourself with a toddler or preschooler in your bed.  Or maybe you’re sleeping in your child’s room.  Or maybe you start with your child in their own room but at some point in the night, you end up with them in yours.  Eventually, you’re probably going to want your child sleeping in their room and you sleeping in yours.  It is important for adults and kids alike to get a good night’s sleep and that can be hard to do to with a little one flailing around in the night.  It’s also important for adults to have a place and time to themselves (like a bed).  It helps them rest and recharge.  For couples, it’s important to have time and space as a couple (like at night in their bed) to reconnect.   Just like with infants, getting your child to sleep on their own can be difficult and stressful, but with consistency, it is achievable.  And if the result is a better rested family, it is worth the effort.

Be sure to talk about any bedtime changes with your child before implementing them so they are prepared.  Explain to your child that it’s important for everyone, mommies and daddies included, to get a good night’s sleep.

Routine

Help your child wind down for evening by developing a routine.  It should be pleasant and enjoyable so that your child looks forward to it.  It can be a great opportunity for quality time with your kiddo each day that will provide wonderful memories down the road for you both.   A simple routine to implement uses the 4 Bs: Bath, Brush, Book, Bed.   You can make any routine you want (maybe you listen to some relaxing music or spend a few minutes in the rocking chair), but here are some things to keep in mind:

-It should take (from start to kiddo in bed) about an hour to run all the way through.

-It should start at the SAME TIME every night, even on vacations, if that can be arranged.

-You should wake your child at the same time every day as well

– Consistency, consistency, consistency!  Eventually your child will naturally start to get sleepy as they associate this routine with going to sleep.

-Avoid screens (tablets, TV, phones).  The blue light they give off can be stimulating (this is a good tip for adults, too!)

-Do some observations. If bedtime is absolutely horrible, consider adjusting your child’s bedtime.  Maybe they just aren’t tired at 7:00, but at 8:00, they will conk right out.  Maybe they need a shorter nap in the afternoon.  Watch your child for indications that they are tired and adjust your schedule accordingly.

The Bed Abandoners

how-to-stop-co-sleeping

Even if your child falls asleep in their own room and bed, it is no guarantee that they will stay there if they wake up in the middle of the night, especially if you have recently made the transition from co-sleeping.

Start by making sure that your child’s bedroom is appealing.   If possible, let your child chose a bed or bedding and have a special stuffed toy for bedtime. If your child has a creepy looking doll that freaks them out, get rid of it.  Get a cool nightlight.  Really hype up how cool it is that your child is so grown up and is going to sleep in their own bed.

If your child comes into your bedroom in the middle of the night, calmly return them to their own bed.  Remind them that they need to stay in their bed and that you are going to stay in yours and then leave.  Do not spend a lot of time in your child’s room, as they will likely try stalling tactics to keep you there. Return to your own room alone.  Repeat as necessary.

This might take a many, many, repetitions and it could be exhausting and terrible, but it’s important to be consistent every time.  If you return your child to her own bed seven times and on the eighth time you give up and let her get in your bed, your child knows that if she keeps coming back to your room eight times, you will reward her by giving her what she wants.  If children know they can get what they want, they have no reason to change their behavior.  This is where a united front with your partner is extremely important.  You must both be on board or your child will figure out which one of you can be worn down and will act accordingly.

Consider a sticker chart that your child can put a sticker on for every night he stays in his own room all night.  After collecting a certain amount of stickers, he gets a pre-determined prize, like a small toy or an ice cream date with Daddy.   Start small (maybe three stickers) to make it easier for him to be successful and feel confident, then start increasing the amount of stickers needed as he does better and better.

The Early Risers

Maybe your child goes to bed just fine (or fine enough), but they are getting up REALLY early in the morning and disrupting the rest of the family’s sleep.  One way to help teach your child when it is an acceptable time to get out bed is a clock!   If your child can recognize numbers, get them their own digital clock that they can see from their bed (or an analog clock that you can mark the appropriate number) and explain to them, “When the clock says 7, you can get up!”   For children who don’t understand the clock, there are products parents can program that have a light that changes color so children know that when their special light turns green, it’s all right for them to get out of bed.   The OK to Wake clock is an example, but there are many others out there.     Be sure to shower your child with praise when they stay in bed until it’s time to be up and about.

Tricks of the trade

monster .jpgMonsters/Scary things: If your child is afraid of monsters or something similar, don’t tease them or brush off their concerns.  Assure them that they are safe.  Provide a nightlight if needed.  You can also fill a bottle with water (and maybe a little lavender oil to encourage sleepiness!) and label it “monster spray” to repel those monsters.  A few sprays around the room each night might help ease your  child’s mind.

Just one more book/drink/song!:  If your child is attempting to extend bedtime by asking for yet another story (or whatever it may be), establish limits and STICK TO THEM.  Remind your child, “You already had a drink.” or “You know that we only read two stories and we already read them both.  Time for bed.”   Children are pretty smart and if they know you can be pushed into another story/drink/song, they will keep pushing!

White Noise: If your child is a light sleeper, try adding a white noise machine or a small fan to help drown out other sounds.

Nightmares:  Nightmares are a bummer at any age.  If your child comes to you in the night having woken up from a nightmare, comfort them, let them talk about their nightmare and then return them to their bed.  Help them to soothe themselves by teaching them some tricks to help deal with nightmares on their own.  You could suggest that after having a nightmare, they get up and get a drink before going back to bed, or wash their face (this can help wake them up enough to shake off the nightmare, but is not so disruptive as to prevent them from getting back to bed).

Consider getting creative.  Have your child describe their nightmare and together, talk about ways that it could have ended in a way that isn’t scary.  Maybe your child got super powers and was able to fly instead of falling, or maybe it turns out the monster was just looking for something he lost and didn’t mean to scare anyone.  This gives your child a sense of control and helps them to look at a problem creatively.

Another idea is to look for a cultural ritual.  In some Hmong families, upon waking from a nightmare, children will yell at their pillow, hit it three times and then flip the pillow over. Look at your own culture for other examples or borrow some that your child might like or make up your own.

Hall Pass If your child keeps trying to stall by insisting they need a drink or to go potty or do whatever it is they say they need to do, consider issuing a “hall pass”, one per night, that allows your child to do that one thing they really, really need to do (this is after all immediate needs have been met, of course).  After the hall pass is spent, that’s it and they cannot get out of bed again.  By allowing your child to make a choice, they might feel more in control and that might help them be satisfied after they have “spent” their pass.

Soothing Smell  Children are comforted by their parents’ scent.  Give your child a shirt you have worn or a teddy bear sprayed with your perfume/cologne that they can take to bed and be relaxed by your smell.

Mommy’s Greatest Hits  If you have the time and equipment (an old tape deck from the Goodwill might work!), record yourself reading some of your child’s favorite stories or singing lullabies.  You can play it for your child at night to help them relax and feel close to you.  If they are old enough, you can teach them how to play it themselves, so if they wake up at night, they can play it go back to sleep.

Find what works for your family Every child, family and situation is unique.  It might take some time and trial-and-error to find out what works for your family, but an easy bed time and a good night’s sleep is worth making the effort!  Everyone will be happier and better functioning when they are well rested.

Good luck and sweet dreams!

 

 

 

 

 

 

January-Bullying Behavior

We hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday season!  We’re excited for a new year!  Our Family Night this month will be on Thursday, January 26th.  We hope to see you there!

Our topic this month is bulling behavior, which is a difficult one.  It is painful as a parent if your child is being bullied and it’s also painful if your child is doing the bullying.  No one wants their child to be hurt or their child to be hurting others.

As adults, there is ultimately only so much we can do to try to control a child’s behavior.  It is in the best interests of everyone involved to help guide children to both handle a peer who bullies them and to help a child self-regulate  and make better choices by themselves.  Adults cannot eliminate all negative interactions their children have with others.  As a matter of fact, it is important that kids face some age-appropriate conflict and difficulties on their own.  It helps them develop social and conflict resolution skills, as well as building self-esteem.  These early, smaller problems help prepare them to handle bigger problems later in life.

However, if you child is the target of repeated bullying behavior or is displaying them, then it is the job of adults to intervene and help.

Help kids understand emotions.  Talking to children, even infants and toddlers, about their feelings can help them understand and manage their emotions.  Provide children with the right words when they can’t do it for themselves  (“I can see by the way you’re kicking the chair that you’re angry.  Are you angry because you can’t watch TV right now?”).  It’s important for children to know that anything they are feeling is okay, but they cannot act however they want.  When children are better able to regulate their emotions, they can problem-solve in ways that don’t involve bullying.  Come up with appropriate ways for children to express their emotions so that you can offer a replacement for the negative behavior.  All the classrooms here at the Midway YMCA ECLC have a solution wall or poster that staff will look at with children to help them chose a better way to handle a conflict or to calm down.  Some calming down options include taking deep breaths, playing with play dough, and reading a book.

Check out the bottom of this post for some books about  understanding emotions for kids..

Bringing other adults into the situation

Teachers:  If your child is having problems at school that you feel they cannot manage on their own, join forces with their teacher.  While you may be angry and upset, try to approach the situation calmly.  Keep in mind that there are many children in a classroom and it is impossible for any teacher to see everything that is going on, especially if the bullying behavior is being done secretly.  Bring up your concerns with your child’s teacher and see what they have noticed.  If they haven’t noticed anything, they can now be on alert for such behavior and are much more likely to see it.  They can also give you insight into relationships in the classroom.  Sometimes certain children just don’t get along (just like some adults) so your teacher might already be aware of a personality conflict and can work to keep them apart, if appropriate.  You and the teacher can come up with a plan of action together and ensure that there is consistency at home and school. You teacher can also help reinforce in your child the idea that they can go to an adult for help.

Other Parents: If you don’t already have a relationship with the parents of the child who is bullying, tread lightly.  Understand that they may be defensive and unresponsive and you might not get the results you want.  If your children are classmates or teammates, it might be best to let the teacher or coach deal with the situation.  If you and the other parents already have a positive relationship, still approach the topic carefully and without accusing their child.  Arrange a time you can talk without interruptions and avoid using the word “bully”.  Try not to make judgments–remember, they love their child as much as you love yours and are doing their best to raise them, just like you are.  Check out WebMD for some more tips.

Develop skills and provide opportunities to practice problem solving.  If your child is doing some bullying, don’t panic!   With patience and persistence, you can help your child interact more positively with other kids.

Help your child develop empathy by talking about it.  Use books or tv shows to point out examples and provide opportunities to discuss other people’s feelings.  You can also use real-life situations when you child has bullied (“How do you think Maddie felt when you pushed her?”) or when you child has been on the receiving end (“How did you feel when your cousin called you ‘stupid’?”).

Help them develop better conflict resolution skills by talking about it and providing examples (“Sadie was mad when Jose tried to take her truck, so she went to the teacher to get help.”) and by helping them think of solutions.  Do not do this in the heat of the moment after an incident has occurred, but during conversations with your child or after there has been an incident and your child has had time to cool off (“I know you were really mad when Peyton wouldn’t let you have that crayon, but when you hit her, it hurt.  It is never okay to hurt people. What could you have done differently?”).  If characters in a book you are reading with your child have a conflict, talk to your child about how they think the characters can solve it.

 

Look at how your children act towards each other.  There is evidence to suggest that bullying and aggressive behaviors towards siblings can be a predictor of bullying behavior outside of the home.  Bullying at home between siblings should not be tolerated any more than bullying outside of the home.

 

Set appropriate limits and stick to them. If a certain behavior is getting a child what they want, they have no reason to change.  Set reasonable, age appropriate expectations, make sure your child understands them and stick to them.  For example, if you’re going to another child’s house for a play date, talk about the rules on your way there:  “It’s going to be a lot of fun going to Amal’s house to play.  You’ve been working really hard on using your words when you are upset .  Let’s remember that at Amal’s house.  It’s okay if something makes you mad, but it is not okay to hit your friend.  If you hit, we will have to leave.  Do you understand?  If you get mad, what are some things you can do?”.  Discuss safe and appropriate ways to handle conflict or anger.

During the playdate, help your child be successful if you see a situation is potentially about to go south  (“Oh, let’s take a quick break from blocks. I see that you guys are getting upset with each other.  Why don’t we all get some water and talk about it together?”). If your child does use bullying behavior, stick the limits you talked about together.  “We have to leave now.  You hit Amal and we talked about how it’s not okay to hit.  I said if you hit, we had to leave, so we’re going.”  On the ride home, you can talk to your child about what happened, what they could have done differently and how your child can make things right with his friend.

Remember that bullying behavior towards adults is not any more acceptable than bulling behavior towards other children.  Children should not be allowed to hit adults or say mean things to them, either.

Reinforce success.  When your child handles conflict appropriately, let them know you are proud of them!  Be specific if you can (“I know you were really upset when Suzie wanted to play with your doll, but you decided to take turns instead of fight about it.  That was really smart of you! Good job!”).

Don’t force your child to say “I’m sorry”.  They very likely don’t mean it and are only doing it because an adult is telling them they have to.  They don’t learn anything and the bullied child will likely not feel  better.  And as adults know from their own lives, sometimes “sorry” doesn’t fix things.  Instead (once everyone has calmed down), have your child ask the person they hurt how they can make them feel better.  If the other child doesn’t know, you can suggest a few options such as a hug, a high-five, a picture being drawn for them, or a compliment from the bullying child.  This puts the attention and focus on the hurt child and helps the bullying child think about others.

Teach your child to be assertive.  Your child can learn some skills that will help them stand up to bullying behavior.  Practice being assertive and speaking loudly (“I don’t like it when you take my truck! STOP!”).  Let them know that they don’t have to play with someone who isn’t being nice to them and teach them to say it (“I don’t want to play with you if you keep calling me names!”).  Remind them that they can always go to an adult for help if the other child continues to bully them.

Know when to get more help

If you have a child who is exhibiting bullying or aggressive behavior and the above suggestions are not improving things, it could be time to get some extra help.  If your child:

  • Won’t take responsibility for their actions or consistently blames others for their problems
  • Threatens to do physical harm to themselves of others
  • Actually causes physical harm to self or others
  • Gets angry quickly and frequently
  • Has difficulty or takes a very long time to calm down when they are angry
  • Breaks or throw things in anger

that could be a sign that your child needs some extra help dealing with their emotions. Teachers and other caregivers who spend a lot of time with your child can also provide insight into if your child’s behavior is developmentally appropriate.  While their opinion should not be the final word on the matter, they might be able to give you an idea of if, in their experience, something else might be going on that is worth addressing at the next level.  Here at the Midway YMCA ECLE, we are very lucky to have Colleen Dockendorf, a social worker, who is an excellent resource for families that could use a little guidance.  She can help strategize with families as well as suggest other resources that may be of use.

Talk to your pediatrician about other strategies or resources to help your child and family.  Remember, the younger your child is, the easier it will be to address these problems.  A five year old with anger problems that are not dealt with can grow into a twenty-five year old with anger problems.  A twenty-five year old that cannot manage their anger can cause a lot of damage to themselves and others.

 

Books about feelings  (Midway YMCA ECLE tested and approved!)

Mouse Was Mad by Linda Urban

Mouse is angry and his  animals friends suggest many different ways to show it, which just makes Mouse more angry.  In the end, Mouse has to find the way that works best for him.

My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss

A beautifully illustrated book that explores a rainbow of emotions.

Glad Monster, Sad Monster by Ed Emeberly and Anne Miranda

A fun book with interactive masks for checking out all sorts of feelings for monsters and children alike

The Way I Feel by Janan Cain

Wacky illustrations that help kids talk about their feelings

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December–Holiday Fun and Family Resources

Can you believe that it’s December all ready?  The holiday season is upon us!  There’s so much fun stuff to do this time of year that it can be hard to pack it all in!   We hope to see you all at our annual Holiday Program on December 15th! Watch for signs at the center with more information.   Here are a few other family-friendly events going on this month that are worth checking out:

Rice Park Holiday Display: Downtown St. Paul’s Rice Park is all decked out for the holidays.  Come see the beautiful, GIANT tree covered in lights.  Runs November 19th through January 1st. Located at 109 W. 4th Street, St. Paul.   Cost: FREE!

Winter Skate: While you’re downtown checking out the lights, why not go skating?  Landmark Plaza/Rice Park has an ice skating rink where you practice your triple axel, or make slow, unsteady circles around the rink. Bring your own skates or rent some on site.  Open now through Feb. 5th.  Cost: No cost to use the rink.  Free skate rental with each WellsFargo  credit or debit card you have on you, otherwise, $4 per skate rental.  Check out their website for hours and other information.

Dinner with Santa: Meet Santa and eat some spaghetti!  December 6th, 6-7:30.  Located at: Dayton’s Bluff Recreation Center, 800 Conway St., St. Paul.  Cost: FREE to registered families Check out the website to register.

Santa’s Workshop: If you would like to give your child the opportunity to give presents as well as get presents, take them to Santa’s Workshop.  Children will be able to shop for their friends and family.  All gifts will be under $2, with each child able to spend up to $10 dollars.  Gifts will be purchased and wrapped without parents being able to see, so make sure your child has a list!  A fun, affordable way for your child to experience the pleasure of giving.  December 13th, 6pm-8pm.  Call (651) 298-5709 for more information.  Located at Hazel Park Recreation Center, 945 Hazel Street N, St. Paul.

Or Emet Pre-Hanukkah Party: Enjoy a potluck meal, candle-lighting, dreidels, music and special entertainment.  December 17th, 5pm-6pm.  Located at: Wellstone Center at Neighborhood House, 179 Robie St E, St. Paul.  Cost: FREE, but register in advance by emailing signup@oremet.org.

Winter Beach Party: Get out of the cold and enjoy some live music from the Teddy Bear Band and Sons of the Beach, meet Santa, eat some goodies and enjoy some fun pool activities.  This event is free, but open swim is $2.   Call 651-642-0650 for more information and schedule.  December 17th, 1pm-5pm.  Located at Oxford Recreation Center, 270 Lexington Pkwy N, St. Paul 

Global Games Youth Holiday Event: Give your kids ages 5-12 an opportunity to experience toys from other cultures.  Children will hear stories, learn a little history and get to try each toy they have learned about.  December 21st, 6pm-7:30pm.  Located at West Minnehaha Recreation Center, 685 W Minnehaha Ave, St. Paul. Cost: FREE!

Kwanzaa Celebration: Enjoy light refreshments at this Kwanzaa celebration.  December 30th, 1pm-3pm.  Located at Martin Luther King Recreation Center, 271 Mackubin St, St. Paul. Call (651)290-8695 for more information.

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Family Assistance

If you or someone you know could use a little help this holiday season, the following resources might be useful:

The Salvation Army offers year-round as well as seasonal assistance.  Some local chapters include:

Minneapolis E. Lake Street

St. Paul, Payne Avenue

Downtown Minneapolis

Toy Shop Registrations (ENDS DECEMBER 2ND at 4:00pm!)

Toys for Tots distributes toys to children every Christmas. Check out their website for local centers.

Neighbors, Inc. offers toys and clothing for children and seniors. Registration information on their website.

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We hope your holiday season is a wonderful one!

 

November Family Night: A Grateful Family and Community Resources

Thanksgiving is a wonderful, delicious holiday.  There is no pressure of gift-giving, just a time set aside to eat a little too much, be with our loved ones and reflect on what we are thankful for.  Taking time to consider the good things that we have in our lives can give us that warm fuzzy feeling inside.   That feeling can (and should!) last all year long.  If your family doesn’t practice gratitude regularly, Thanksgiving can be a great time to kick-off making an attitude of gratitude part of your everyday life.

There is a lot of science behind the idea that expressing gratitude is good for you.  It can . . .

Strengthen your relationship with your partner

Help you feel better about yourself

Improve your physical and mental health

It’s good for your heart!

It’s worth-while to make gratitude a part of our family life and to teach it to children.  Studies show that while we can teach younger children children (under 7) to say “thank you”,  older children (over 7) are better able to make connections between gratitude and happiness.  This doesn’t mean that we should not work to raise grateful children.  It reinforces good manners and lays a framework for better understanding, appreciating, and reaping the benefits of gratitude as they get older.

Take time this November to say thanks and make practicing gratitude a part of your ever-day life!

 

Thanksgiving Resources In the Community:

Volunteering can be a great way to give back to your community and can teach children a lot about empathy and thankfulness.  Click here to see a volunteer opportunities in the Twin Cities to donate your time.

 

If you or someone you know needs a little help with Thanksgiving this year, the following resources are available.

The Union Gospel Mission of the Twin Cities helps those looking for assistance. 

The Marie Sandvik Center offers annual sit-down Thanksgiving meals

St. Matthew’s Lutheran Church offers a free Thanksgiving dinner from 11:00-2:30.

Cherokee Tavern Annual Thanksgiving Dinner

 

Central Baptist Church offers a community Thanksgiving dinner Wednesday, November 23, 2016, 5:00 PM – 7:00 PM.

The Heights Church is offering a community Thanksgiving Feast on November 20th at 5:00 pm.  RSVP by contacting the church office.

The Fellowship Church is offering a community Thanksgiving dinner from 3:00-6:00 on Thanksgiving Day.  Register here at the website.

Happy Halloween!

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It’s getting to be that spooky time of year again!  The kids are all talking about what they are going to be for Halloween and getting very excited.  Here are some tips for having a safe and fun Halloween!

Costumes

  • Choose costumes that fit your child properly to prevent tripping
  • If their costume is darkly colored, add reflective tape to it to make them more visible to drivers
  • Be sure they can see well through masks and use face paint if possible
  • If you don’t want to spend money on a generic store-bought costume, consider a DIY costume!

Trick-or-Treating

  • Children should be accompanied by an adult when trick-or-treating
  • Help young children remember to say “please” and “thank you”.  You can practice at home by having your child pretend to trick-or-treat at your own door
  • People handing out poison candy is not a thingHowever, there have been a few rare cases of terrible people putting pins or needles in candyIt’s best to look through your child’s goodies at the end of the night to make sure nothing has been tampered with
  • Be sure to use sidewalks and crosswalks
  • Carry flashlights and/or glow sticks to make yourself more visible
  • If you are driving, remember there are lots of kiddos running around!  Drive slowly and be extra alert

There are lots of fun games and activities to really get in the Halloween spirit!  Here’s a link to some simple and fun ideas to share with your child.

The Midway YMCA will be hosting their Spooktacular party for our October Family Night.

Friday, October 28th from 5:30-8:00 pm at the Branch.

There will be Family “Thriller ” Zumba at 7:00 and a costume parade at 7:15.

There will also be:

  • Games and Bingo
  • Face Painting
  • Bounce House
  • Haunted kitchen
  • Crafts and prizes
  • Snacks

This event is FREE and open to the public, so bring your friends!  A photo ID is required to enter the Y.

Have a safe and spoooooooky Halloween!

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September 2016 Family Night-Picky Eaters

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We hope you and your family enjoyed this month’s family night!  Here are some more ideas for dealing with those picky eaters at your table:

New Foods Sticker Chart

If your child is motivated by stickers, this printable sticker chart could be a fun way to encourage your kiddo to try new foods.   They could even use the sticker that comes on fruits and vegetables.

Age Appropriate Kitchen Activities

Being involved in the process of buying food and helping with meals can make children feel more invested in the food being served and more likely to try it.  The USDA has lots of information on their website about the health and nutritional needs of children.  Here are lots of ideas to keep kiddos of various ages busy in the kitchen.

 

Talk specifically about how food is good for us

Many children have a vague idea that food (especially fruits and vegetables) help them grow, but being more specific can get them more interested. “Did you know that carrots have vitamin A in them and that gives us healthy, strong eyes?”  “Broccoli has lots of fiber in it!  Fiber helps our tummies work well and makes our blood healthy!”

Use kid pop culture

Make Paw Patrol and Disney work for you.  Everyone wants to be like their heroes.  “Oh man, the Hulk is so strong!  He has to eat a lot of vegetables to be big and strong like that!”  “What do you think the Flash eats to be so fast?”

Experiment

In our meals and snacks here at the Midway, we get celery from our caterer in two ways: sticks and “smiles”.  The smiles are celery stalks chopped width-wise, resulting in small curved “smile” shapes.  The kids are way more likely to try the celery smiles as opposed to the more intimidating stalks.  Try cutting foods in different ways or serving them in different ways.  You child might not like a baked sweet potato, but maybe they would like sweet potato fries.  Or mashed sweet potatoesOr maybe sweet potato quesadillas.  And keep in mind that pretty much any vegetable tastes better when it’s been roasted.

Read books about food and picky eating with your child

There are tons of books on picky eating out there (An Alligator Class favorite is I Will Never, Not Ever, Eat at Tomato).  Kids can relate to characters in stories and might even be inspired to follow in their footsteps.  Here is a list of some other books that you and your child might enjoy.

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